“My children would have loved me more, my wife would have fucked me harder, my brother would have announced my arrival at his motherfucking of a son’s wedding with pride, Only if I had more money!”
Driver rolls down his window lights on his cigarette (although he never asked but I did not really mind), and puffed out smokes with much sigh, rolled up his sleeves and started his hunt for a new set of passengers from the roadside.
“You know what’s the fuck up thing about that? it doesn’t even matter how you got the money, I could be kidnapping passengers selling their organs and be rich hence have respect, but no I drive twelve hours a day, pay university tuition fees for my kids and feed my family but I have got no goddamn respect.”
This heart wrecking philosophy lecture of a cab ride with the smell of burning cheap tobacco and knowing that the driver has kidnapping plan ready as a backup plan made me experience the limits of human sympathy and it’s lack of efficacy.
“You are right, life sucks big time” – once again I fail to sympathize with a random stranger who has opened up. Despite my wrecking heart I continue sounding like a heartless bastard with my.
Fortunately it turned out the driver didn’t really give a shit about my insights on purchasing power,poverty and it’s correlations with social status and respect. The pain was so sever it could have been fly in that car and he would have opened up to it.
Bui Vien, Saigon
“How you doing tonight sir? Would you like some Cocaine?”
“I think I am good, thanks”
He was just trying to be polite while walking around Bui Vien. He always believed there is not much of a choice in what you end up doing in life. Meanwhile he was witnessing random people excitedly engaging in the drug tourism exhibition that was ongoing.
Suddenly felt his Phone vibrating in his pocket (Always silent phone kind of a person he is) with no excitement reached out, it’s blinking blue must be an Instagram alert, turned the screen on: “The most random person that you are following is online now” he did think so, that guy always looked like an attention whore. Puts phone back to the pocket. Tried to remember the tips he had recently picked up from the least interesting book he had just finished “The power of now“, out of desperation and lack of wisdom to come up with meaning in life, decided to try Eckhart Tolle‘s methodes, forget that ‘time’ was a thing. Zero notification days usually end up uneventful and random like that.
“If it’s a guy with the girl who is checking you out, they want a threesome and not the pleasant kind, be-careful.” – Said a good friend once, with much sigh embedded in his tune. He remembered that precious life advice right after cheersing a girl’s drink who was seating with five other seemingly flamboyant boys. Not feeling like getting laid specially with the possibility of having another erected gentile present in the action, took a sip from the drink and opened his phone seeking for comfort or action with less erectile organs in the picture.
The thing about loneliness is that, it has never been about the number of people you call friends or even the environment you are in. Seating in a random bar in a city you did not even know it existed (and you ain’t even American to blame the poor education system for) surrounded by friendly fun people you can have sex with doesn’t relief the pain of knowing deep down nothing does matter. Witnessing the smelly backpackers being so happy for no reason thinking they are underprivileged because the drug dealer doesn’t accept credit cards, while watching a middle aged white dude bringing on his A game to negotiate with a local prostitute at five in the morning in the local fast-food shop were the highlights of his night.
Picked out the last cigarette and left the empty pocket in the bar, not so sober now headed to the park next to the party area to smoke the last cigarette.
The Hiroo Onoda incident
The Hero they deserved
” Are you Hiroo? Dude like we were worried and shit, I mean me, the emperor and the people of japan I guess. Dude… Holy shit you exist haha, I just thought I was really high haha… have you been wearing this army stuff for 30 years? you know the war is over right? like We are the better weirder version of Allies now ourselves” – that is perhaps what Norio Suziki said to Hiroo Onada, while Hiroo had his gun aimed at Noiro’s head in the Jungles of Lubang in Philippines. Norio was a hippie who had smoked up lots and read too many mythical stuff. He was so weird he felt uncomfortable living in the Japanese society so he decided to go on a search to locate ‘Onoda’, a panda and the Abominable Snowman, in that order. (I am sure he did not sound like a white hippie while he was talking to Hiroo, but that is the furthest I could stretch my imagination #fakenews).
Hiroo who had clearly never gotten stood up on a date or a meet up before, when his boss told him “Hey there is this assignment that we really think it suits your character and skills set”. He took the assignment and did it for four decades without getting angry because his annual leaves did not get approved or not that he did not get a raise for like the last 30 years of his job but they stopped paying him after the war was over. My Middle Easterner mind once again fails me by being incapable of comprehending Hiroo’s level of obedience. Continue reading
Peter the sculpture artist
Peter had nothing to do with this mutant animal it is really cool tho, right?
Peter the great
He took out a small zip-keep filled with weed took a small piece aimed it at me and tossed it without a second thought.
“Here you go, I have been smoking up every night for 60 years….. wait no 55 years, I give you a joint….. you enjoy this one! I used to give some to my therapist after he asked me to stop the pills and take some dope” – Said peter a 68 year old man on a chill Monday afternoon after he had tossed me some weed in the middle of a crowded restaurant. “We should smoke up together, you guys give me a call and I’ll invite you over. I bake some good pizza here!” Peter left us alone with leaving an adequate amount of illegal drugs on the table.
That quote is there because it was one of the first results of my search for ‘Funny quotes on narcissism’. In this day and age when the most powerful man on earth (sarcasm) addresses his nation in an extremely challenging manner of only using 140 characters while on his luxurious toilet seat after his early afternoon coffee, Land people who are dying to find out the key to immortality in an article that consists of 10 concise and short sentences, I believe (re)starting this blog with a funny quote on narcissism is the best form of getting followers’ attention.
There are two things that makes this quote fabulously suitable for this article. Firstly, I don’t even agree with the statement, I know no one actually asked for my opinion on this but I feel the urge to share my life motto (which has been nicely and precisely in contrast with the mentioned statement): “find the most emotionally unavailable and abnormal people who are in some of the most strange times of their lives, love them more than yourself blindly”. As honest and weird that sounds, I blame my genes for it. I myself rarely make any conscious mistakes, most of my mistakes occur very subconsciously.